The Chinki Fetish

We have always been fascinated by the Chinkis. Everything about them.

First came the food. Chinese used to be a delicacy. If we wanted to go out and celebrate, it used to be Chinese. As far as I remember, a Chinese meal has been there for a celebration long before Italian, Thai, Mexican, etcetera etcetera cuisines came into linelight. And then came the desi chinese cuisine. The dhinchak masaaledaar chinese, or as I found out in Pune - ''Tandoori Chinese''. Now chinese was a spicy and cheap option for fast-food. As long as I remember, there have been chinese stalls (not the thelewalas mind you) in INA market as long as I can remember (since the last 23 years at least).

Then came the momos. It was almost as if one fine day all the chinki-looking dudes (no offense) decided to serve steamed veg. and non-veg maida samosas on every nook and corner of a busy market. I never understood how they were better than our traditional road-side samosas. ''Our'' samosas were bigger in size, more tasty, came fresh from deep frying and soaked in oil, just the way we like them, and also cheaper. But what the heck, one more snack to devour in the evening.

Then there was the rather innovative (or so I think) idea of the ''Chinese Chat'' . I've only seen it happen in Lajpat Nagar, but then I haven't been outside of South Delhi, since ever. It's actually amazing what people can can cook and name them anything and that becomes that all of a sudden. But that's none the less good.

After the cuisine, we were visited by the Chinise ''maal'', not the bandi waala maal, but the market mein bikne waala maal. I think I was in school when I used to see this new shop from hte bus which had a big black banner saying ''Chinese Market - Last day of sale, Rs.20''. As far as I remember that last day sale went on for the next 3-4 years (at least) after which I was out of school. But I remember all the hue and cry revolving around the chinese maal in the early days. The shops used to be packed. The ''franchisees'' were lakhpatis literally overnight.

With the invasion of the Red Dragon, came a whole new flurry of products in the market. Bikes (remember the chinese rip-off of the Pulsar), mobile phones (courtesy sardarjis in Ghaffar Market) and the chinese pataakhe. What could be better (and cheaper) than spending money on crackers that were made by children in China (mind you, we're strict about child labour in India), to burn them off and celebrate the most auspicious Hindu festival in the year. In fact the lighting was also chinese. I'm pretty sure most people have used the ''Chinese Ladi'' (the thin chinese light in a pipe). Now that the lighting department's sponsored by the Chinese, we can go on and celebrate Diwali, with a lot of ''Lakshmi'' to spare in our pockets. The only thing that I haven't seen chinese in Diwali is probably probably a dragonified murti of Ganesha and Lakshmi.

Now to the best gift the Chinese have given to the world, presenting the original Chinese maal - the Chinese women (read as all the Asian women everywhere). I'm assuming here, that there is no guy in the world (gays excluded), Indian or otherwise who doesn't find Asian women hot. What is it about the Asian women that makes them so hot.

They are fair, definitely by the barrels. They have better skin than most other women. They have amazing hair. They look utterly cute. Now moving to their (perfect) figures. They have, genetically, a type of feature that tends to appeal. They're petite. By being petite, they are naturally in shape and in proportion with their assets. Of course they spend a lot of time making themselves look beautiful (a proof that the Chinese make-up works). But there's just definitely about them that makes a guy look around twice to check them out. Also, they have an exquisite sense of style and dressing. Asian women don't necessarily need to be scantily dressed to look sexy. I personally prefer all clothes, or no clothes on Asian women. Fantasies apart, here is where there perfect petite bodies play an appealing part. Even in long dresses, they show there perfect curves; which to me at least is more appealing than them jumping around in bikinis.

But all things apart, there are still things we're better at than them - Butter Chicken, Sachin Tendulkar and Maaaaaa.