The first days in college

I had landed up in Pune late eough to miss the first 10-12 days of college. It was a little strange for me to be attending classes with all new people, none of whom in knew. So it was a pretty odd situation I was in as I sometimes found myself to be all alone. Luckily Akansh was in my class with me. Akansh was one of Siddharth's roommates. Siddharth was my friend from school and we had known each other for more than 10 years at that point of time. He was staying 3 other Delhites (who were classmates in school) in a 2 BHK flat near college. One of them, Raghav, had even brought his domestic help along with him from Delhi. Their place was totally amazing. It was in every sense a home. Till date I haven't come across a better place where you have a homely environment, esp. where students are living.

So now I had found myself a group, and all 5 of us used to hang out together. We came across other Delhites from college and we used to wander around like that around. I spent most of my time outside college at their house, returning to my own place not before 8:30 or even 9. So along with all the studies, we also did lot of loitering around and we were roaming around here and there almost all the time.

Me and Akansh were the most sincere in our class. We never bunked a single class, always had the assignments ready to be submitted and were the only people awake in teh most boring classes. But we did have our share of fun.

So my first few days were a little tough, but then I found myself in company of really good friends.

Cheers to you guys wherever you are right now!!!!!1

My house

After beating around the bush a LOT, I finally managed to find this place, where I'm STILL staying. Shocking, I know. The place was a 1-storey bungalow, 3 rooms, attached bath, all amenities, and most importantly, western style lavatories. Thank god for that coz otherwise I would have got arthiritis by now. The place was owned by a Marathi couple. They stayed in one room, one room downstairs had a manager from State Bank and the other one (mine) at the top had a BCA fellow from Bhartiya Vidyapeeth and another guy from Petroleum, Priyam, from my division, staying.

And then within a week of shifting, we had more occupants, Rohit and George, again from my division, George also being from Petroleum. So basically all of us ruled the house. From that time, I presume 28th September 2003 till date, many have come and ALL have left, including my landlord's father who passed away after a year. But we all were here for good. But George also left when he flunked a year and shifted back home. And the three of us, Rohit, Priyam and me, were here only. We have seen around atleast 15 people leave in the 8 semesters that we were here, but we did not budge.

We took a lot of shit from our landlord, and gave back even more. That was the best part of staying here, at the end of the day, we were the bosses, not him. So we had the last laugh.

Tattooooeddddd!!!!!!

Finally I got myself a tattoo. It looks something like this.


For those whi mught not recognise it, its Natraj, the dancing form of Shiva. I was planning to get a more detailed one but that needed more space, and also more dough. I am planning to get a few finishing touches to it once I come back for my project.

The admission time

Now starting this series from the very beginning.

MIT was the only engineering college whose form I had filled out, and to be honest I wasn't keen on keeoing a track on what eventually happend to the application. One reason was that I was doing Eco. Honours from Venky in Delhi, which is damn good, and secondly, my mom was always checking it out so I never bothered. One fine day I got a call from my mom just at the end of my statistics lecture that we were immediately leaving for Pune the same day. Later as we were leaving, I got to know that my admission had been confirmed and the fees had to be submitted the very same day. So we rushed to Pune and somehow managed to get the fees deposited. But the problem was that I was given Polymer Engg., which was the only thing left, but instead I wanted Petroleum only. So the next day I went to Bhide, the vuce-princi, I told him my situation and he told me about the change of branches which could be done after the first year based on the results. Also since I was in Polymer, I could even transfer after second year as the course of both the branches is similar till the second year. I also enquired about the minimum marks that would be required to get a branch change. The words that came out of Bhide's mouth were - "Don't worry about the marks, just pass all the 10 papers".

On listening to that I was quite realxed as I knew that passing atleast would not be a problem. But the tone in which that statement was made made me a little apprehensive about the difficulty level of the papers. So eventually after confirming my admission, I came back home and got myself packed, and found myself back in Pune after around 10 days.

Finding a place to stay was a real pain in the ass, until I found this place I'm currently in.

That comes next.

Memories of Engineering

Well now that I'm an engineer and have got over with the 4 years required, I guess I'll dedicate some time writing about some of the memorable moments of of those four years.

Petroleum Engineer Yash Gupta reporting for duty!!!!

I am now a Petroleum Engineer. Yesssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally its all over. Over with the 4 years, over with staying in this city, and most of all, over with studies, all over. Now just looking forward to go home in around 10 days time.

Then back to the city on the 7th of July for my project evaluation. That is all there is!!!!!!!!!!

So now its -

Yash Gupta Pet. Engg.

Types of Girlfriends

1) Ms. Nice Gal - “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have”

Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

2) Old Yeller - “You god-damned spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable??”

Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
3) Sickly - “Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite”

Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

4) The Bosser - “Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”

Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5) Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - “I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?”

Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c’mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6) Wild Woman out of Control - “I’ve got an idea. Lez get drunk an’ make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S’fun.”

Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

7) Huffy - “I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at”

Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

8) Woman from Mars - “I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship”

Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

9) Ms. Dreamgirl - “I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now”

Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.

Things not to say to a naked woman

Cool, I’ve never been to the Grand Canyon.

How many storage boxes can you fit in there?

You must be very experienced.

Remember, you said this was a freebie…right?

Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don’t fall in.

I gotta take off my watch, wouldn’t wanna lose it.

Why do you wear a bra when you’ve already got a belt.

Would you mind rolling around in this flour.

I heard carpenters dream about you.

So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

Look….I can get my whole arm in.

It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.

Is that an optical illusion?

If I look right at it I feel like I’m falling in.

Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?

Do you mind if I wear one too…in case yours falls off?

Jeez…What ya got up there, dead fish?

I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?

I’ve been wondering all night what that smell was.

Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.

You know they have surgery to fix that.

Everybody down at the bar said you were good.

Oh, that’s why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away.

Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.

I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so.

You’re not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.

You’re not ‘that’ fat.

I see why everyone said, with you, it’s better with the lights out.

Shipwrecked man on an island

A man was shipwrecked on an isolated island with nobody for company except his faithful dog.

Life was getting monotonous until one day he spotted a sheep on the other side of the island.Slowly approaching the sheep, he managed to get it into position and was about to mount it when suddenly his dog gave out a frantic bark and he had to give up the idea. A second and subsequent attempts by the man to approach the sheep from the rear met with similar frustrations.

Then one day, a pretty girl was washed ashore almost lifeless, a victim of another shipwreck. After some furious efforts at resuscitation, the man managed to revive the girl.The girl thanked the man profusely. "I'm so grateful I'd do anything for you. Anything." she said."Good!" said the love-struck man happily, "Can you watch my dog for fifteen minutes?"

365 days of sex

TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND (WIFE):

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

4 times the sheets were clean7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND (HUSBAND):

I think you have things a little confused.Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in THE BALLS
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, playingvideo games etc. on TV.

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Nailing people's personalities based on what they drink

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a WOMAN’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her. She’ll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (does not include white Zinfandel,see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Your Approach: Tell her you wish Reagan had four more years…Alzheimer’s and term limits be damned.

Drink: White Zinfandel
personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is…

Drink: Shots
Personality: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk…and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

Then there is the MALE addendum …. The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut.

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give two shits about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: Piss off, all you wankers, I’m gonna go shag something.