This is my page!!!!!!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

The Chinki Fetish

We have always been fascinated by the Chinkis. Everything about them.

First came the food. Chinese used to be a delicacy. If we wanted to go out and celebrate, it used to be Chinese. As far as I remember, a Chinese meal has been there for a celebration long before Italian, Thai, Mexican, etcetera etcetera cuisines came into linelight. And then came the desi chinese cuisine. The dhinchak masaaledaar chinese, or as I found out in Pune - ''Tandoori Chinese''. Now chinese was a spicy and cheap option for fast-food. As long as I remember, there have been chinese stalls (not the thelewalas mind you) in INA market as long as I can remember (since the last 23 years at least).

Then came the momos. It was almost as if one fine day all the chinki-looking dudes (no offense) decided to serve steamed veg. and non-veg maida samosas on every nook and corner of a busy market. I never understood how they were better than our traditional road-side samosas. ''Our'' samosas were bigger in size, more tasty, came fresh from deep frying and soaked in oil, just the way we like them, and also cheaper. But what the heck, one more snack to devour in the evening.

Then there was the rather innovative (or so I think) idea of the ''Chinese Chat'' . I've only seen it happen in Lajpat Nagar, but then I haven't been outside of South Delhi, since ever. It's actually amazing what people can can cook and name them anything and that becomes that all of a sudden. But that's none the less good.

After the cuisine, we were visited by the Chinise ''maal'', not the bandi waala maal, but the market mein bikne waala maal. I think I was in school when I used to see this new shop from hte bus which had a big black banner saying ''Chinese Market - Last day of sale, Rs.20''. As far as I remember that last day sale went on for the next 3-4 years (at least) after which I was out of school. But I remember all the hue and cry revolving around the chinese maal in the early days. The shops used to be packed. The ''franchisees'' were lakhpatis literally overnight.

With the invasion of the Red Dragon, came a whole new flurry of products in the market. Bikes (remember the chinese rip-off of the Pulsar), mobile phones (courtesy sardarjis in Ghaffar Market) and the chinese pataakhe. What could be better (and cheaper) than spending money on crackers that were made by children in China (mind you, we're strict about child labour in India), to burn them off and celebrate the most auspicious Hindu festival in the year. In fact the lighting was also chinese. I'm pretty sure most people have used the ''Chinese Ladi'' (the thin chinese light in a pipe). Now that the lighting department's sponsored by the Chinese, we can go on and celebrate Diwali, with a lot of ''Lakshmi'' to spare in our pockets. The only thing that I haven't seen chinese in Diwali is probably probably a dragonified murti of Ganesha and Lakshmi.

Now to the best gift the Chinese have given to the world, presenting the original Chinese maal - the Chinese women (read as all the Asian women everywhere). I'm assuming here, that there is no guy in the world (gays excluded), Indian or otherwise who doesn't find Asian women hot. What is it about the Asian women that makes them so hot.

They are fair, definitely by the barrels. They have better skin than most other women. They have amazing hair. They look utterly cute. Now moving to their (perfect) figures. They have, genetically, a type of feature that tends to appeal. They're petite. By being petite, they are naturally in shape and in proportion with their assets. Of course they spend a lot of time making themselves look beautiful (a proof that the Chinese make-up works). But there's just definitely about them that makes a guy look around twice to check them out. Also, they have an exquisite sense of style and dressing. Asian women don't necessarily need to be scantily dressed to look sexy. I personally prefer all clothes, or no clothes on Asian women. Fantasies apart, here is where there perfect petite bodies play an appealing part. Even in long dresses, they show there perfect curves; which to me at least is more appealing than them jumping around in bikinis.

But all things apart, there are still things we're better at than them - Butter Chicken, Sachin Tendulkar and Maaaaaa.

World's funniest conspiracy theories for the dead

Conspiracies… Why do they exist, you wonder. Well, obviously because of gullibility, illogical thinking, and yes, somebody either trying to make money or have a laugh!

That's what trigger these completely mind-boggling tales. Mass media contributes of course, and now the internet has made all the more easy to promote them. When someone wants to believe, anything will do; facts don't matter. The more bizarre, the better.

1. Mumbai attacks 26/11 theory (the funniest one I've heard)
The Mumbai attacks were planned by India itself, just so that they can end up blaming Pakistan and get a reason to attack them. One of the news channels from Pakistan had some retired high ranking Govt. guy say - ''This is all planned by India to blam Pakistan. If you can see the terrorists are wearing the saffron threads on their wrists which is part of the Hindu custom, so they can't be Pakistanis.'' When asked what about the boat that they came by that was identified as coming in from Pakistani waters - ''The Indian terrorists simply took one of the boats that had confiscated and sailed it around for a while before returning to their original path to apporach Mumbai''.

Another pro-Pakistan retired Govt. official was looking at the bright side to all this - ''If India pulls off the scam that they've done, and end up attacking Pakistan, then Pakistan only will be in profit. Because once Pakistan is attacked, the US and the UN member will give charity money to Pakistan for redevelopment, amounting to a few billions, which we could use to settle of the $6 billion debt that we have with the World Bank. ''

2. The Michael Jackson Theories
He died years ago, and a lookalike has been taking his place till now. The Comeback Tour would have exposed him.

MJ is not dead at all, but the lookalike he uses for public appearances is the one who died. Why is MJ faking death? To get out of his $200 million debt, the lawsuits, and the media. He has now assumed a new identity.

It's not MJ, but Diana Ross who's dead. MJ will assume her identity (and thus get his children back as well!)

MJ is dead and has been buried without his brain, which is being studied in US government labs.
MJ has been killed by an experimental CIA bioweapon. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had him killed to distract attention from Iranian protests. And yes; "Michael Jackson RIP" replaced "#iranelection" at the top of Twitter's trending topics.

MJ was assasinated by the CIA, after they uncovered the details of his deal with the son of the king of Bahrain, Sheikh Abdullah bin Hamad al-Khalifa. The Sheikh would bail him out of debt; in return, MJ would allow his sold-out concerts as a platform for warning the world about a soon-to-occur 'mass genocide event', which the CIA wanted to keep hidden.

3. Princess Diana
One, she faked her own death to escape the media.

Two, she was killed by the MI6 under orders from the Royal Family, to prevent her from marrying Dodi Al Fayed.

4. Kurt Cobain
Kurt Cobain, lead singer, song writer of the grunge band Nirvana was found dead at his home in Seattle, the victim of what was officially ruled a self-inflicted shotgun wound to the head. Drug overdose, suicidal behaviour, suicide note, gunshot to the head, gun lying in his lap. No, still room for doubt???!

Apparently, the amount of drugs in his system should have stopped him from doing something as complex as blowing his head off according to conspiracy theorists. So obviously the deed was done by someone else later. It was "murder" they proclaimed!

5. John Lennon
Killed by the CIA who was 'testing mind control techniques' on Mark David Chapman, who was 'being operated on remote control' by them. Another says he was actually killed by Stephen King, American author of contemporary horror fiction.

6. Elvis Presley
He's not dead, but alive (and going by the sightings, on a world tour for the last 32 years.)

7. Paul McCartney
Not alive, but died while still part of the Beatles and replaced by a lookalike.

8. The Notorious B.I.G. vs Tupac Shakur
American rapper Tupac was gunned down in a drive-by, and they never found who did it, though rival rapper Biggie was believed to have ordered the killing. Six months later, Biggie was killed. Interestingly, his last album before death was titled 'Ready to Die' and the one released posthumously afterwards was titled 'Life After Death'.

9. John F Kennedy
American President John F Kennedy was not killed by Lee Harvey Oswald; he was only the person to take the blame, and was 'conveniently' killed off in a few days by Jack Ruby to shut him up. Why? Depends on who you believe engineered it; different theories are around - the KGB, the Mafia, J Edgar Hoover, the FBI, the CIA, ex-president Nixon, Fidel Castro, or any militant communist groups. The CIA / Mafia is also believed to have been behind Marilyn Monroe's 'death', for knowing too much about 'Kennedy's links to organised crime'.

10. 9/11
9/11 was planned by the US government as an excuse to start the War on Terror and all the profits it would bring. Similar to another theory that said that Pearl harbour was allowed to happen, giving a perfect reason to enter the war, and that too at a time when all other players desperately needed help and were too weak to defeat the US. The next time around, think before you believe.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Racism and Aussies - An encore

The recent attacks over Indians in Australia is actually a surprise. One would usually expect such discrimination in Western Europe and in the US. But in a place where mostly things are silent and the only stir is the once invincible cricket team, it actually comes as a surprise. But it's not the first time that Australia (as a country) has had problems with ''non-whites''. The incident that I'm talking about goes back in time in 1919, when the Paris Peace Conference was held, after World War I, when the victors were having negotiations for their spoils.

It starts from a few years before that. In 1901, Japan raised strong objections to Australia's Immigration Restriction Act and lobbied the British extensively during the passage of Bill through Australian Federal parliament. Despite concern expressed in England, Royal Assent was given to the bill in late 1901. The White Australia Policy was in place.

During the next fifteen years Japan increased its strength and dominance in Asia. With this new power came the increasing likelihood that a challenge to the White Australia Policy would be made. Prime Minister, Billy Hughes believed that a showdown was approaching. This belief influenced his strategy during World War One, which was aimed at maximising Australia's influence in London. He knew he would need British support.

In 1919, after the chaos and tragedy of World War One, world leaders descended on Paris to create a new world order. The degree to which they did so has long been debated but one of their achievenments was the League of Nations.

Australia's contribution to the war effort had been substantial. The Prime Minister, Billy Hughes, saw this as reason enough to extract the best possible conditions for Australia in peace. He campaigned to give Australia separate representation at the Peace Conference. His request was granted. Soon after the beginning of the conference Billy Hughes was at the centre of a major crisis, involving himself, the British Prime Minister, Lloyd George, the President of the United States, Woodrow Wilson and the Japanese delegation.

"And then we come to Mr. Hughes, the smallest but the most outspoken of all the delegates at the Peace Conference. If any doubted his wisdom at times none doubted his fearlessness. He will go down in history as the man who caused the first of many crises that have made the Peace Conference appear a misnomer." Vernon Bartlett, 'Behind the Scenes at the Peace Conference'. George Allen & Unwin, London, 1919. p 25

The Japanese wanted to insert a racial equality clause into the preamble of the Covenant for the League of Nations. They maintained that the introduction of the principle was only just, given their alliance with the British Empire in the war victory. However, Billy Hughes claimed it would be a threat to the sanctity of White Australia.

"At the Conference of Nations the Prime Minister was called upon to battle desperately for this [White Australia], compared to which our sacrifices in war, our achievements, our gains, fade into insignificance. For we would gladly sacrifice as much again-or give up all that we have gained-rather than forsake this policy."Percy E. Deane (Hughes' private secretary) 'Australia's Rights: The Fight at the Peace Table', Political Pamphlet, 1920

On February 4, 1919, two of the Japanese delegates, Baron Makino Nobuaki and Viscount Chinda Sutemi, approached one of the senior United States representatives, Colonel House, with their proposal. They wanted the following:

"The equality of the nations being a principle of the League, the Hight Contracting partiesagree that concerning the treatment and rights to be accorded to aliens in their territories they will not discriminate, either by law or in fact, against any person or persons on account of his or their race or nationality."

Colonel House wrote in his diary:"The Japs are making the adoption of a clause regarding immigration a sine qua non of their adhesion to the League of Nations. I have a feeling that it can be worked out by a satisfactory compromise which will in no way weaken the American or British Dominions' position and yet will satisfy the amour-propre of the Japanese."Fitzhardinge, Biography of Hughes, Volume 2, p 401

However, House's optimism was misplaced. Billy Hughes objected from the outset. His position was shared with others from the British Delegation. Former British Prime Minister and a member of the British entourage, Arthur James Balfour, told the Americans:

"…that the doctrine that all men are created equal was an eighteenth century idea, which he did not believe to be true. There might be some sense in which all people of one country were equal but he did not believe that a man in Central Africa was created equal to a European."Fitzhardinge. Volume 2, p 401-2

The Japanese submitted their clause to the League of Nations Commission on the 13 February. They spent the next few months lobbying delegates from the British Empire and the United States. They searched for a sympathetic ear. Hughes met with the Japanese twice, on March 14 and again on March 18. He did not meet them again. His mind was made up.

"Hughes alone persisted along his stubborn, solitary path. He was not sympathetic to the Japanese stand…The other Prime ministers were free to do as they liked, he would do what his duty demanded. So saying, he left the meeting." Japanese delegation to Foreign Minister. March 30, 1919. Fitzhardinge p 405

The Australian Prime Minister caused no end of trouble for the British and American delegations. Whilst Hughes' did bully and nag the two great leaders it was said they were quietly relieved at the Australian's vehement opposition to the bill. This was particularly the case for President Wilson. He was concerned that the statement proposed by the Japanese implied equality between white and black. This would not be well received in the United States Senate or on the West Coast of his nation.

The South African Prime Minister, General Jan Christiaan Smuts, was enlisted to try to mediate between the Japanese and the Australians. He advised the Japanese that it would be unwise to approach the British Prime Minister, Lloyd George, to intervene.

"Hughes' position as a delegate at the Peace Conference was quite independent as regards to the United Kingdom, and that much being the case the United Kingdom Prime Minister was in no position to interfere; Hughes moreover was by nature very narrow- minded and was not the kind of man to consider international implications- he was also pig-headed; if there was any interference it might well serve to merely intensify his opposition."General Smuts in Fitzhardinge. Volume 2. p 405

Despite General Smuts' efforts he had little effect on convincing either of the parties to reach a compromise. Finally, he conceded, telling the Japanese on March 27:

"if Hughes maintained his opposition, as he undoubtedly would, he, Smuts, would have to fall in line and vote with the Dominions..."General Smuts in Fitzhardinge. Volume 2. p 405

Billy Hughes' stance was being galvanised by messages from home. "…the executive of the National Federation place upon record its appreciation of the services rendered by Mr. W. M. Hughes, Prime Minister to Australia and to the cause of civilisation generally.. and ventures to say that posterity will gratefully acknowledge its indebtedness to the man who fought to keep Australia free and white…"The Argus, February 14, 1919

However, Hughes was not convinced that his efforts in Paris were enough to prevent the introduction of the racial equality clause. In a cable home he reported:"We are being enmeshed in a web from which I find no way of freeing ourselves."Cables exchanges between Mr. Hughes and Mr. Watt, April 5, 1919. National Archives of Australia, CP360/8

On the April 11, in a meeting chaired by Woodrow Wilson, the Japanese delegation forced a vote. Elevenof the seventeen nations voted in favour of the racial equality provision. However, the vote was declared lost because it was not unanimous. Hughes had won. He returned to Australia triumphant.

"The White Australia is yours. You may do with it what you please, but at any rate, the soldiers have achieved the victory and my colleagues and I have brought that great principle back to you from the conference, as safe as it was on the day when it was first adopted." Hughes to parliament; reported in P.E. Deane. 'Australia's Rights: The Fight at the Peace Table'

Whilst Hughes saw the Paris Peace Conference as a great victory, his views, although popular in Australia, were not universaly supported. A warning was issued.

"Mr Hughes… has chosen to emphasise the national distinctions between the Japanese and ourselves in a way that could not fail to be offensive to a high spirited people … their effect in Japan has been most serious … improvement in our relations has been destroyed by a few sentences from Mr Hughes …" Major Piesse, March 24, 1919, Naval Office, Melbourne. MP, NAA 1049/1, 1918/049

This assessment came for Australia's director of military intelligence, Major E. L. Piesse. He recognised that Hughes' actions had deeply offended the Japanese and that Australia had been left dangerously exposed. He maintained that the White Australia Policy must be weakened but his advice was ignored.

So, is it a surprise that the same principle is still continuing today ......